Life Behind The Scenes

Hello.

About 5 months from now,I'm going to fly off to the States (I've repeated this so many times,I know). I was actually already summing up ideas in my head this morning as I woke up for Fajr prayers for 2014's summer break. I can't plan my 2013 summer break cause I'll be in the States by then and I need to adjust myself to the new environment that is so different from home. What if I don't like it there? or what if I'm too homesick?

I've been questioning myself a lot these days on how I'm going to survive solo at a foreign country. Not to mention,the biggest country on the map. What would I do if I suddenly broke into pieces and this time,mom won't be there to mend me back? She's going to be miles away. I guess I'm used to running to her everyday at home and asking her advise on A LOT of things. When I say A LOT,you have no idea what sort of things we talk about. I'm used to having my family everywhere. If I feel like giving up,I'd turn to my family and they will always be there to either tell me what I should or should not do (even my siblings).

What if I fall in love with a person that's going to hurt me over and over and over again? and this time,mom won't be there to actually tell me "He's an arse,to fuck with him". What ifs? What ifs?

At the same time,I'm honestly excited that I'll be living alone and starting a new fresh start at some foreign country where people don't even know I existed before. It's good to come out of the shell and for once see what life has to offer. Get to know new friends and all. Sounds exciting.

I guess this is normal for those who just graduated high school to feel this way. I know what I want and I stand firm on what I believe and want to achieve. There's not a big mark on that,of course.

Everyday I wake up and ask myself if I'm ever going to make a change in this world? Where will I make my name in this world.

But then again,I think too much.

Mom: "I was once at your place. Be strong cause not many people like beautiful and smart women especially women themselves"

HAH. Kept me motivated,definitely.

Till then,x.